The importance of discerning marriage
Issue date: 11/18/09 Section: Forum
Andrew Wojtek was right to point out in his column last week that marriage is not a contract to be entered into lightly-fools rush in, after all. But it is unreasonable to assume that students carefully discerning the call to marriage or preparing for it are foolish. Sure, some may be, but not all.
Christian marriage is not just about a combined income or finding immediate and permanent happiness in another human (we are neither so cynical nor so na've). Rather, it is about committing to a spouse, body and soul, and pursuing together your call to live for God.
When asked what was wrong with the world, GK Chesterton responded: I am. What a brilliant answer! "I" and "me" are what is wrong with the world. The Christian ideal of marriage does not square with a centric location of the self. It is a fundamentally Christ-oriented, other-oriented (indeed, love-oriented) love which considers giving up the bigger, louder, faster life an easy and rewarding sacrifice.
Those who settle down and commit to holy matrimony with less youthful baggage probably grow closer, better, and quicker than others. What's wrong with that? What is the danger in "losing a sense of self for a sense of us?" The company of others, even dating, is not for our pleasure or fun as an end in itself. It is originated by and ordered toward God.
Love is not about committing to yourself first and others second. It is about committing to the Lord first, and loving Him with your spouse. Such a marriage is anything but a fixed state, and the "settling down" paradigm is in that sense faulty. Love is dynamic. It requires daily growth and prayer and commitment.
I do not think it is too soon for everyone, yet seriously dating and discerning couples should be cautious before they start to prepare in engagement. A couple should not enter the "game of kids and careers" (is that advertising for Milton-Bradley?) until they are willing and unless they are called. And the decision to respond to the call is up to them.
Jed Crook
Class of 2011
Christian marriage is not just about a combined income or finding immediate and permanent happiness in another human (we are neither so cynical nor so na've). Rather, it is about committing to a spouse, body and soul, and pursuing together your call to live for God.
When asked what was wrong with the world, GK Chesterton responded: I am. What a brilliant answer! "I" and "me" are what is wrong with the world. The Christian ideal of marriage does not square with a centric location of the self. It is a fundamentally Christ-oriented, other-oriented (indeed, love-oriented) love which considers giving up the bigger, louder, faster life an easy and rewarding sacrifice.
Those who settle down and commit to holy matrimony with less youthful baggage probably grow closer, better, and quicker than others. What's wrong with that? What is the danger in "losing a sense of self for a sense of us?" The company of others, even dating, is not for our pleasure or fun as an end in itself. It is originated by and ordered toward God.
Love is not about committing to yourself first and others second. It is about committing to the Lord first, and loving Him with your spouse. Such a marriage is anything but a fixed state, and the "settling down" paradigm is in that sense faulty. Love is dynamic. It requires daily growth and prayer and commitment.
I do not think it is too soon for everyone, yet seriously dating and discerning couples should be cautious before they start to prepare in engagement. A couple should not enter the "game of kids and careers" (is that advertising for Milton-Bradley?) until they are willing and unless they are called. And the decision to respond to the call is up to them.
Jed Crook
Class of 2011
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